so, I have never, ever been caught up on age. I was always pleased with my life and the things that I had accomplished in the time that have been on this earth. I never felt I looked old or acted old...until yesterday. Yesterday was my birthday, and I was struck with the knowledge that at the age of 37 that I was at ground zero. My building has no foundation, and I have to rebuild. I have been going to school every day, I only dropped one class (bird course), I clean my house, I spend time with my kids, get Halloween organized, help my younger colleagues with insecurities, listen to my mother on the phone...you get the point - I have been going about my business, but the fact of the matter is I am still reeling from The Husband's announcement and I feel myself very slowly dying inside. He gives little glimmers of coming to his senses but then pulls back so vehemently it gives me soft tissue damage to the neck (anyone, anyone? whiplash). I told him if he is still committed to this plan of action then I want him out of the house asap because it is too painful to have him here, so we (he) is planning on telling The Anchors this weekend and then he is gone. To tell you how little he has thought this through - he hadn't even thought about where he would live, he assumed that I would just let him stay in the basement until we sold the house. He is renting a room from a friend, there is no room for the Anchors to stay with him. He wants to be able to come here whenever he wants to spend time with the Anchors (here), he wants to be able to pick them up everyday from school, weekends, you name it. He wants full access to what will become MY home (life) but not allow me any access to his. He is unwilling/incapable of committing to a set schedule of what days he will take the kids, so he wants this casual, spur of the moment schedule. Basically, he wants his cake, eat it too and have a dollop of whip cream on top. If this is the way things are going to be, seperated, then I don't want to see him everyday after school, I don't want him spending his "dad" time here. The Anchors are going to freak when this hits the fan, it is so from left field, you see, we don't fight, we hold hands, we were always an affectionate couple, that is until I went to the cottage for the summer (as we have always done, some summers he spends it up there and some summers I do) and he found someone else to hold hands with.
Thats enough for now, sorry to use this as a repository for my marital woes.
Studnet Nursie talk: Holy crap Batman - I am behind in my readings!