Nurse Betty BScN (cand): gloomy days

Nurse Betty BScN (cand)

I am a 36 year old mother of 2. I entered university in 2005 for the BScN program but had no idea what a roller coaster ride it would be. My other interests are boating, cottaging, gardening, sitting, doing nothing, vegging and of course hard core belly button contemplating.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

gloomy days

So just because my life wasn't crappy enough right now, don't I come out of school (of which it is taking every ounce of strength to go to) and my bicycle had been stolen. I love my bike, I drive it everywhere, and was going to be my only form of exercise this semester because of my work load, and now its gone. Imagine me taking public transit at a time that I really should not be standing on a subway platform. I hope whoever stole it gets run over by a bus and then he is the first patient that I have to help tomorrow (after taking the streetcar to the hospital) and I will just simply know that he is the person and I will cause him great deal of pain while cleaning his wound and getting the gravel out of his extensive road rash that will disfigure him for life. I wouldn't be doing anything to betray nonmaleficence because I still plan on treating him, it isn't my fault that his injuries are painful.
So, of course what do I do in a time of crisis, I reach out to the person I have been reaching out to for 22 years and he blasts me because he is always telling me to take the front tire of my bike, that thieves won't steal a one wheeled bike. We still haven't told The Anchors anything but they certainly know something is up because why would Daddy be coming in the door at 8am already dressed? Girl Anchor is particularly of concern for me. She is very sensitive and is passionately in love with her Daddy, if she only knew. I am numb and can't seem to concentrate on any school work. I haven't bought any books yet because I am not sure I am committed to staying with the program.
The Half Dead Wonder Dog decided that last night would be a good night to wake me up and poop all over the place then fall in it. I think we have some dog tears to shed soon on top of all the other emotions. I have been awake since 3am, my husband has left me, my kids are looking to me for answers and my dog is on her last leg. I swear I feel like I am drowning. I have cried so much today I have no more moisture in my body.

5 Comments:

Blogger hoosier student nurse said...

I swear next week will be better. The week after that will be better than the week before, and so on. The kids will be crushed. As Dr. Phil says, you're their soft spot to fall. They'll resent and be pissed at both of you for a while, but they'll remember who stayed and who left, and they'll adjust. Please remember one thing, you're going to know a side of your husband you never dreamed existed. You'll want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but don't do it. Obviously, he is not putting his family first. If this is irrevicable, get the best and meanest lawyer you can, just in case.

5:31 p.m.  
Blogger Katie said...

I'm so sorry that you are having such a bad time! Please don't quit school, if you do, you won't get to be the one taking care of the jerk who stole your bike! Stay strong, you will get through this.

Katie

7:18 p.m.  
Blogger Andrew said...

I agree with the other two commenters. Things WILL improve with time. The bike theft sucks, but really is small potatos in the grand scheme of life. (How much will you remember it in 10 years?) The husband and lack of sleep can account for your tearful day all by themselves.

I'll pray for the whole road-rash scenario because that DOES sound like justice!

Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay

7:50 p.m.  
Blogger Laborpayne said...

Oh you poor baby, I want to hold you and rock you till you finish your cry. Except for the husband leaving part, this certainly reminds me of my nursing school days. (I was married with several children and seemingly always pregnant all the way through) Hang in there- this too shall pass.

9:43 a.m.  
Blogger Student Nurse Jack said...

Betty Boop, I just got caught up reading your posts and am amazed at the huge amount of suckage right at the beginning of your semester.

Please find a way to stick out your education. Don't let him take that away from you in his apparent disregard for what is best for the family. Let the children and your studies be the focus that helps you redirect away from the pain.

I am so sorry. From one "demanding wife" to another, I hope you can make it work with school. You feel like you're drowning, but there are many of us here and IRL with life preservers that will help you hang on until the seas calm.

Peace to you.

11:24 p.m.  

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